Weekend Worries

Today I have to leave to go with my dad for the weekend, and I find that whenever I am with him I am like a different person. I get frustrated with him so easily and the entire weekend is mostly me yelling and screaming to go home. If you have read my early blog entry's you would no that my dad drinks a lot. I feel like that has something to do with why I am always frustrated with him. Last year my dad put me and my sisters through a lot. Every day he would drink a six pack of beer along with what he would drink when we went to his friends house. I remember one time he was so drunk he could barely talk. His voice was incredible slow, and his body moved as a a toddler who was learning how.to walk. He told me and my sisters to get in the car, and he drove us home wasted. I remember how terrified I was. I sat on the edge of the seat, my stomach churning in fear. My dad had driven us home drunk multiple times, but this time was worst. When we arrived home I was upset and sad. I wanted nothing to do with my dad, but he kept bugging me. (When my dad is drunk he tends to hover) I refused to talk to him and he grabbed be around the neck and screamed at me. He told me I was a little bitch just like my mother. After that night I was completely done. I left for two months and that my friend was the start of my depression. Of course I forgive him, but it has taken a lot of time. With his last girlfriend I noticed my dad was barely drinking and I was so proud. But then they broke up. I guess I am just worried that because he doesn't have a girlfriend to impress he is going to start drinking like he used to. Those memories haunt me everyday and affect how I see my dad. My goal for this weekend is to not live in those past memories, and to focus on the positive things he does for me. I am also going to try really hard to show more respect to him, as I struggle with that. Wish me luck! 

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