Depression

"Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems." (www.mayoclinic.org) According to a website at www.adoa.org symptoms of depression can include persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" moods, feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, loss of interest in activities, difficulty concentrating, change in appetite, and thoughts of suicide.

Depression is a very difficult thing to go through. I know the feeling. Just in the beginning of the year I was highly depressed. To start, I had moved to a new school and had zero friends. I felt like no one cared about me. Like I was unimportant to this world. I remember on the first week of  school I got dress coded, and my mom told me I could just tell my friends and they would think I was cool. She didnt know that I was a loner. This thought stung me, and later the next week I broke down right in front of her. I wanted nothing more than to just leave. Go where? I don't know. I just wanted out. Meanwhile I was having major issues with my dad. Every weekend we spent with him he would get completely wasted to the point where he could not stand up on his own. I would be so angry that I would yell at him, and he would put his hands around my neck and call me horrible names. I was fed up with it, so I left for two months. I just wanted to fall off the face of the Earth for a while. But I began to feel guilty. I would break down every single night, and I would cry into my mothers arms. Between what was going on at school and with my dad I felt worthless and hopeless. I began to not care about my self. Every day, all day I would pick at my hands until they bled. I liked the pain. I picked and picked until little holes covered the tops of my hands. I also lost a lot of weight. My skin was grey, and I constantly felt cold. Eventually it got to the point where I just wanted out. No, I never tried to commit suicide, but sometimes I wondered what it would be like if I wasn't there. Eventually I ended up getting help from a therepist, as anyone who has gone through my blog would know. She really made a difference in my life. During that period of time I felt sad every waking moment of the day. It was like I was surrounded by some kind of darkness. But at this very moment I feel like I have been healed. I am happy again, and I am so grateful for that. Always remember that no matter the situation you are going through there is always hope. Stay strong.❤